A Brief Expanation of Trauma

I'm constantly caught between wanting to tell you it all
and knowing it's safer and easier to keep up a wall
You see I'm afraid that if I share all of what's inside
you'll just want to find someone with a simpler mind
Know I'm complicated, I can be hard to understand
but I think given time you'll see why I'm the way I am
And really that's the one thing that I hope
that with my honesty you'll see how've come to cope
You can see my quirks as strengths developed
to relieve me from my many painful relics
Could you look at my view of the world
and see more than a deeply troubled girl?
I'm hesitant, but I'm feeling a bit inspired
sure I'm downtrodden, exhausted, tired
But I also feel hopeful naive and more alive
than I've been able to feel in quite a long time
And that feelings made me think I'm on the edge
of getting better or jumping off that ledge
I'm not ready to plummet and leave nothing behind
let me in so that I have something to show for my time
And yes I know that I'm a huge mess
just hope you get i'm trying my best
And I really hope that's enough
to someday earn someone's love
Nothing comes easily to me anymore
and everything I write's sad, a bore
I want to embrace my feelings
escape the ceaseless reeling
But don't want to depress you
ideally I'd impress you
Just not sure I have it in me
my truth isn't too pretty
I wish you could view it with the same disdain
that I have to to be able to get from day to day
I know I ask a lot but I don't need your affection
I'm not trying to demand too much of you're attention
I just think I'm ready to test the waters
and it's really okay if your interest falters
Think I'm ready to offer the truest form of myself
even if it means you realize you need something else
I can't keep on living a figure in disguise
although it's easier I know it's not right
I want to take something with me to my tomb
I'll have to be honest and feel something soon
And that thought is really truly terrifying
but I'm waiting for living to feel less like dying
If being vulnerable means feeling alive
then I just might be ready to give it a try

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