A Diagnosed with Age

I checked the time on my watch
and when i nearly had the minute
it froze.
my God
how i wish that was litteral
and the logical reasoning for my stopped watch
was not a dead battery....
but an eclipse in time,
a pause in time,
a dead space in time,
anything that could cure my human addiction with time
by providing more of it.
I'm not ready for what lays in the coming
Adults reason in shades of gray
Is that what happens when one matures?
or have all the adults I've met
in the past 18 years been bitter?
Am i just cynical,
or is there a thin line between
realistic adulthood
clinical depression?
Maybe I believe adults tongues are graying
because the rules we have created
for our world are
brittle sagging buildings
that are constantly being repaired with the same framing
by workers that know a better way
but are shamed into uniform.
The workers are the youth.
Consequently adult depression
is due to recycling:
recycling time
recycling tradition
recycling attitudes
Adults were once the eager workers,
being pounded down with strict ways to live
and they witnessed
the punisher being pounded
by regulations.
Adults know that the building is built poorly.
I believe that one has reached further than aged maturity
and into oldER age
or good ole depression
when they get used to the poorly built structures
and they lift their shoulders
and tilt their head to the side
with indifference
and think "well...."
because you believe
there are zero ways to rehabilitate the sagging frame
one will no longer entertain the ideas of the youth
but pound them into acceptance
because it is time to "grow-up and lead a productive life"
Those who have grown into oldER age
shame those of the same birth season
who are enlightened with wise age.
The enlightened spread the gospel
and advice the youth through their blue prints,
adults of oldER age yell "fool!"
but not nearly as loud as their actions yell
maybe i am over thinking
or perhaps i am just cynical
i just don't want to face rundown infrastructure next year
I have spent to many
sleepless nights writing lab analysis essays
when I just want to be elementary school teacher
dear father please don't let it have been a waste
because as of right now
I feel like I am preparing to recycle
But sadly
I have observed that:
those who are ignorant tend to be the loudest.

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