You mistook my silence as a yes
And I mistook your touches as kindness,
You lit a fire inside me,
And no water could put it out.
Gasoline dripped like venom from your lips,
As you led me on,
I struggled against your firm grip but all you could do was laugh,
Your eyes empty of mercy,
A vast void in them.
My silence was a sign to stop,
My tears spoke the words that got caught in my throat,
My frantic heartbeats should've been a sign of rejection.
Yet you kept going,
Your touches felt like burns against my skin,
I felt unclean and no water could wash away the filth.
Your hands traveled around my body,
And you broke inside a home you didn't belong in,
You stole away it's treasures then commit arson,
Engulfing my home in flames,
Setting my being on fire.
My body was no longer a home,
No longer an entity,
Just a blemish, a mere disgrace to myself.
I showed you nothing but kindness,
But like they say 'kindness kills' and that day, you weren't the one getting murdered.
My body is no longer a home,
It's just a house,
An object that I live in day by day,
That no longer holds any meaning to me.
I am made of broken glass,
Fragile enough to the touch
Yet once you hold me you'll bleed a crimson red.
Your hands will shake,
A gaze falls upon the blood and insanity fills you up.
I guess you were a masochist and liked the pain,
Because the red fueled your response and it made you more destructive than aggressive... Except you did it all with a smile on your face,
Eyes sparkling yet your intentions hidden away.
And maybe you were a sadist,
Because your eyes filled with satisfaction as you broke my once mended heart,
Your eyes filled with greed as you went along with the voices in your mind,
Your heart void of emotion as your hands harshly grabbed at my now filthy skin.
Now I lay roses on my grave,
For the little hope they bring in,
And I'm sorry I led you on,
My intentions may have not been clear,
My screams were masked by the tears flowing down my face,
I was meant to be protected,
But you were the opposite of what safety was supposed to feel.
I'm sorry, that I apologized for the pain you inflicted upon me.
I'm sorry for the silence, when you should've heard my pleas.
I'm sorry for the no's that were masked by fear. And I'm sorry I always seem to apologize for things that don't deserve apologies from me.
That day I was reaped of the safety I felt inside my home...
But I was also reaped of a home,
Meanings of safety flew away with the wind,
Shadows of fear cascaded over my filthy skin,
I scrubbed under the shower but I could never wash away the feeling of hands grabbing at my waist.
My skin throbbing and glistening a bright red,
Blood pooling from the harshness of my own words as I screamed at myself.
Blaming myself for his faults and actions.
After all girls are blamed for owning a body,
But are accused when it's stolen away from them.