A Shell

I walk around fooling everyone.
They see a smile, hear a laugh, and think everything is okay.
They don't see what's really in front of them; they're blind.
What's really in front of them is a shell.
A shell of a girl who used to live.
Although I breathe, I'm not living.

They say it will get better,
But what if I don't want to wait?
What if what death has to offer is a better trade-off?
I'm tired of playing this game called life.
No one knows, but at night, I lie awake,
Pleading with God to end it.
I beg him to take me.

I can't escape myself.
I'm trapped in this state of numbness.
I feel as though my nightmare is never ending.
I'm living it.

It's twisted how much I think about death.
I know it's not healthy nor normal.
That only makes me feel worse.
It only strengthens my feelings.
I don't want to be a burden to anyone.
I wish I could just stop,
Stop being.

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