Absentee


With the absence of you in my life
I didn't know how to be a mother, pick a man, or be a wife
A whole part of me that held no entity
No identity
Of who I really be
You stole that from me
Leaving me to wander in this world
A grown woman but trapped inside a little girl
You never gave me direction
So I opened my heart without using protection
To those who's intention was to hurt me
To flee
That was their rendition
To leave me in a fetal position
It's your fault that they became my poison
Causing my heart to become frozen
I had no say in my life it was chosen
I’m the one that has to live with all the rejections
The erections
The disrespect
The neglect
I can’t escape the rapes
That play over and over like a never ending cassette tape
Inside my head
So many times I wished that I was dead
But instead I live
As I hold onto rage not wanting to forgive
You get to lay in a quiet grave
While I’m left to fight the slaves
That are trying to hold me down
Spellbound
I walk around wearing a smile
But
Deep inside in bondage to a frown
I hate that you were never around
I wondered what I did for you to hate me so much
Did you not want to feel my touch
Was it my eyes that you despised
Could I have been a surprise
Or was it my gender
That made you surrender
I mean you were the one who chose to plant your seed
Inside of my mother for me to be conceived
Then when I manifest you leave
Now I’m here in the flesh
With a life full of chaos and stress
I want to beat out your selfishness
How could you not have any repentance
For what you did
Dammit I was your kid
It didn't matter you just went on with your life
Not even knowing if I was alright
You left me to fight all these demons on my own
Leaving me feeling like my house was never a home
So I fight hard and cut through the bother
And turned it over to my heavenly Father
Who’s showing me
That His love is stronger
Than any
Absentee

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