Always Alone

It’s just a regulation.The thought revolved around her head once more as she got off the bus. Just a regulation the words repeated in her head over and over again as she clutched the side of her fragile dainty head groaning in pain she could hear the malicious squeals and screams of the voices that penetrated her mind endlessly, viciously demanding her to end her life “you’re not worth it” as she crumpled herself into a fetal position shielding herself Friday from the battle that was taking place in her mind. She could sense the aura of artificial empathy from the strangers that approached her, asking if she was ok if she needed help, they acted like they cared like they would support her through everything, help her retain her mental stability. LIARS. She was alone,no one cared and no one would. She could hear them, feel their presence as they screamed at her to end it; she muttered “it wasn’t that easy” hopelessly, she tried,she tried multiple ways different approaches but it did not work like a sheer force was holding her back forcing her into imprisonment of her mind, restricting her freedom. Was it her fault? What did she do to deserve this? How can she resolve it? Multiple unanswered questions thundered her mind as she begged for justice, compelling her into uncontrollable pain that intensified immensely as the flashbacks of her past flickered through her mind like episodes of her tormentors that showed no mercy as they physically,emotionally and verbally attacked her that pushed her to the edge, taking away her individuality making her weak and vulnerable, her begging unheard, she felt like crying uncontrollable tears but where were they when she needed it? As she forcefully clutched onto her hair hoping the pain would relieve her from her thoughts. She was wrong, she would always be alone.
speedily taking off her shoes and bag, she placed them gently on the floor of her run-down apartment isolated from the rest of society and strolled sluggishly up the stairs to her dull, lifeless bedroom, the lack of home seemingly normal to her, slowly falling on the bed head first she contemplated why her?what was she still attending school if shouldn’t attend to her mental health? She contemplated the thoughts as she felt her eyes droopy but unable to sleep due to her insomnia dragging her awake, she wished to sleep for steady 3 hours why was it so hard. Climbing off her bed, she went to her medicine cabinet located in her small claustrophobic bathroom filled with Anti-depressants,anxiety pills,bipolar pills and Lunesta, she wanted to take them,but yet she also longed to one day will herself to sleep naturally, peaceful dreams that were not interfered with lethal nightmares that had her screaming bloody murder before she awoke restlessly, her salty tears being the only escape route to her sleep, the same salty tears that stream down her red,blotchy face at a fast pace crying their own story that washed away her believed happiness, for once in her life since birth she wished for something or someone that would help her find happiness,joy, content, just something that would stop the facade she internalised herself with, that hid her emotions and bottled them away. Something please. She begged aimlessly but her prayers never did come true, guess humanity itself disowned her pushing her aside to fend for herself. She was always alone.

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