I feel so numb.
After doing the same thing day after day,
forgetting to do the things I was yelled at for forgetting.
Sometimes I wish I could forget it all.
I read and listen to recordings of feelings to feel something
but nothing can get me out off this deep hole of irrelevancy
I used to dream of getting a perfect life, married with kids.
Now I despise the very idea of it
I watch people grow old and die without meaning
old and wrinkly in silk sheets surrounded by pictures of their youth.

I am afraid of the very idea of it
I watch teachers who have worked at the same job for decades
dealing with the same Jennifers, Joes, and Toms.
Only to end up underground like everyone else.
Only remembered by friends,
until their friends hearts stop beating.
Then their memory dies with them.

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