Anticipation


The hands seemingly stand still and seconds slowly turn
into minutes as time is not on my side today
I am without any distraction in sight,
aside from my peripheral vision where everyone else
is seemingly at a steady sprint,
my legs are the weight of boulders and I can't keep up,
let alone kick rocks
At a loss of control as tears are crying tears
I am a cesspool of sodium,
growing lethargic as I'm borderline diabetic and my blood sugars
are at the level of dangerous
yet I'm too prideful to ask,
"Is anyone carrying insulin?"
Unsteadily, my heartbeat becomes background music replacing
the previous background music of footsteps
and everyone going on about their daily rituals
It's growing colder and I'd love to replace my pessimist's sweater
with an optimistist's warm coat,
but I can't find a familiar face so I continue walking in circles,
while my every breath is amplified and the rest of the world remains on mute
I deeply mourn the absence of the noise,
and though anticipation is my least favorite song at the moment,
I suppose I'd listen to the extended version on loop all day
to avoid having to listen to the feared chorus line of heartbreak.

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