Antuwuan


I didn't want to write tonight, but here I am scrawling out my feelings.
For once I just wanted to rest my thoughts and heart, yet your name appeared.
Now I'm feeling down once again while I listen to these love songs thinking about you.
Thought I was stronger than this, but I keep rediscovering myself over and over.
Since I figured my heart was closed to the ones I have feelings for except I was wrong.
Because your shadow decided to reappear in front of my brown eyes; making me cry.

I blame you, Antuwuan, for making me scared to fall in love once again.
I used to be so different before you came into my world and flipped it around.
Now I just keep to myself, express my feelings in poetry no one ever truly sees.
I'm not in love with you, but there are days where it feels like we never broke up.

I try my best to keep living my life to the way I see fit except I'm suffering.
You spoiled me with all of your love that now I'm sleeping alone without you.
Eight years and counting it's been since I called it quits after you betrayed me.
Pictured my life complete at this point except I can't find the missing puzzle piece.
So I keep searching far and wide for your replacement, yet failing horribly at it.
I don't want you back, but I want that feeling of being alive you robbed from me.

I blame you, Antuwuan, for making me believe that I was truly meant to be in love.
Now I'm struggling to find my identity again while crushing on past flames from six years ago.
You make me lie to my friends on the feelings I can't properly express out loud.
So I just smile and laugh my problems away even when your shadow clutches my fragile heart.

I found myself writing again tonight when I told myself I didn't want to dwell on the past.
It's bad enough that I'm crushing on a friend who I'll never get with in this life,
I don't need your name involved in the grand scheme of things I'm trying to accomplish.
So do me a favor and remain in my past, remain in my memories until I can't remember any more.
I don't need to fall back to the person I used to be after you broke me....

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An ex-boyfriend based poem