Armchair Psychology

(Definition: When somebody doesn’t know anything about Psychology but tries to diagnose you anyway)

Psychology; Learn about me
And you and all the ones we see
Variability, that is the key—
But comprehension can be tricky
So pull over a chair and take a seat
I’ll teach you all I know—for free!

Anti-social disorder is just being shy
Bipolar is when you are living two lives
Depression is when you would quite like to cry
A narcissist keeps shouting “Mine!” as a lie

Anyone ending in “path” should be met with fear
Pavlov was bored and rang bells in pets’ ears
The Stanford Prisoners were all brought to tears
Monkeys prefer cloths over wires and gears

Biological’s molecular, Psychodynamics’ nebular, Cognitive’s trabecular, Behavioral’s not-secular, Humanistic’s irregular, and all are so spectacular!

Now, you’ve learned quite a lot—here’s your Armchair Degree
Go off—have fun!—and find all your diagnosees
If this information’s correct, well, there’s no guarantees…
(Please, don’t take me seriously: Armchair Degrees lack legitimacy)

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