Distractions, please don't bother me today. Let me embrace the stillness.
I'm going to lie here in my bed all day. So world, go away. Let me lay here and slowly burn.
After all, I deserve this torture. I'll be a man and take the pain.
Smoldering embers illuminate one by one,
slowly rekindling familiar woes that I recently tried to douse.
No one really knows. When I'm quiet, I'm a mouse.
But every demon yearns for his pound of flesh.
And everyday I become a little more charred. New holes, new scars.
I remember how unencumbered I once felt.
No smoke. No heart of ash. No smut. No crash.
True happiness. I had it for a spell but I couldn't quite grasp it then.
You're never fully aware of what you have until it is gone.
And when it goes, really goes, it knocks you to your knees.
It doesn't care how much you cry, beg or plead.
I tell myself this does not really hurt but I know this is killing me.
Blackness and negativity rush in, they quickly fill me.
I've been in and out of recovery but I haven't recovered much. So much for being resilient.
I don't think I can heal. And I don't know if I can cross this florid, burning field.
There is nothing you can teach me, no new lessons learned.
Today, I'm just going to lay amid the flames and burn.