Bad habit


I have a bad habit
always crave it,
Want it, need it
I’ve got to have it...
I need the rush
Make the call, the wait...anticipate ...
The is it here yet? ...
The knock at the door
The rush, the score
The in my hand
I need more....
I hear the door open
delivery is here,
chew off the knot
Snort it up , drink a beer....
Relief now I have it
It’s safe in my pocket
In two more hours
I’ll be emptying my wallet....
Yes you called it
The night turns to day
I regret my decisions
I cry then I pay...
I hate my Addiction
It wins every time
It spends all my dollars
Steals my last saved up dimes..
With effort I Repeat
I try then I fumble
I get one or two weeks in
Feel my feelings, I get humble..,,
Then back to the bad decisions
The circle goes round & round
I get my feet up a couple inches, then I fall back to the ground..
I fall deeper inside the hole,
Holes all over the place
There’s a knock at the door...”knock, knock”
I can smell the taste ...
I didn’t invite it
It just shows up out of habit
The clean life so close
That can I almost fuckin grab it!!
It lingers it teases
It gives me a taste
Then I fuck it all up
All my efforts a waste...

So here I go trying
I won’t give up not a chance
I’ll keep singing the same songs? repeat the same fuckin dance...
Until I finally fucking get it, the worth it and real,
I’d rather live life differently
And be greatful to feel...
I hate the numb senses
the debt the expenses
I’d rather live in sadness
Then live life all defensive ‘...
Change your circle
They aren’t your friends
Every body is faking
It’s a’s pretend
It doesn’t matter where you run to
It doesn’t matter what you defend
Because the outcome brings the same result
At very fuckin end....
Cas 1 is to many
and thousand is Never enough
And once the ball starts rolling
life lessons begin to get tough...
Just Change one single thing
That’s Everything...that’s all...
Stand up, move, start walking
Just don’t fuckin fall...
One day you will fly
on a high so powerful and real,
your smile no longer forced
Because your heart can finally feel..
The numb will be gone
No more tricks fakes and lies, lay your addiction to rest
Say your fair wells & good byes
Travel the road less taken
Ask for ways and directions
do what works for other addicts, be open to suggestions....
If your looking for real results, Get off the crazy train, Insanity is repeating the same mistakes...again again and again.
Start a new book
Start a new page
Fill in the lines..
You take the stage!!!
And follow the signs
that universe designs
Just dont ever give up
And staying winning all the time!....

(C) copyright Laura-lyn Hayward

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