beautiful disaster


Beautiful Disaster is what they call me
When you look into these eyes
They will tell you all about me
I'm 24 yrs you see
Life has been nothing but pain and torture for me
My mom left me at the age of 3
Never turned back once or even took one last look
She just up and left me for her addiction for her love for her drugs
I spent many years and nights crying
At one point I even want to give up in life I felt like dying
I was young just a little girl wanting her mom
But that didn't faze her cause she was out having her fun
So as time passed I started to grow
I grew up into this lonely beautiful girl

I had some friends throughout high school
But I chose to leave them for the crazy shit I choose to do
I left high school at the age of 15
I left because my first boyfriend decided to lose his virginity and rape me
It wasn't no fun
It took a big tol in my life
I can no longer see sex as an enjoyment in the time
But that wasn't the only time it happened to me
It happened a couple of more times at the ages 17,18,and 23 you see

Lets go back quick to my teenage life
That's when I became a drugie and that's when I begin to write about life
I was young stupid and took many kinda drugs given to me
I even became an alcoholic cause it runs inside these veins living inside of me

As time flew by I became 18
That's when I realized I had my first baby living inside of me
From that moment I knew I had to grow up
Cause its no longer my life but a life I have to share with my son
It sucked it was sad
they had took him from me the minute that I had him
They said I wasn't fit for a mother cause the mental disability I deal with it
So times were hard when he was gone
But I got him back and realized I was having another one
At that time I was 20
I found out I was pregnant with my baby girl living inside me
She was another blessing from the heavens
I thought things would go differently with her but it back fired as you can see
She was taking at a month old just like her brother was taken from me
But this time it wasn't by the hospital
It was by my own blood my family

It took me another whole year to get my own kids back
But at that time I realized I dealt with my own disease and it was taking full control over  me
I deal with anxiety bi polar and depression
It gets worst everytime I find myself getting hurt

So that's a brief run down of my life
Now you can see why they call me beautiful Disaster cause its not a lie
I try to do the best for me and my kids
And do something good in this life of mine that I was given

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