Beauty In Me

can’t look in the mirror
disgusted by what i see
every truth lies behind every insecurity
people say i hate myself for no good reason
my self esteem has been torn to pieces
not by anyone, just by me
i’m my own biggest critic
i spend every minute mimicking the person everyone wants to see,
she isn’t me

i know i can’t be who everyone wants me to be
i know i can’t see the beauty everyone says i have in me
i know i won’t fit into the jeans of society

because i’m not okay with myself
when i look at everyone else
they’re so much prettier,
they’re so much skinner,
they’re everything i want to be
i just can’t find the beauty in me
i just can’t find the beauty in me

canceled all my plans
so i can sit and stare at my reflection
and point out all my flaws, everything wrong with me
i got this preconceived idea of perfection
everyone assumes i have this huge misconception with what i see
deflecting all of the lies that they spill to me
i don’t know what they were expecting
after all the protecting mechanisms i’ve developed
i use my self hatred and insecurities as repellent
to make happiness afraid of me

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