Blind love

By Samarys   

If I don't write this down I won't go to bed.
Sometimes I wish I was dead.
For the pain and scars can rest.
My thoughts are in debt, reaching for more knowledge, but my brain neglects.
My mom tries to inspect. Like she's not in pain, or distress.
She's living in debt but still choses meth.
Funny! How is this mother supposed to protect?
Her child crying in pain.
And so she still chooses to live in vain.
She's going insane.
But she can't even look at her child,and tell her I'll be okay.
All I ever wanted was love, but I guess I'll only get that from the Lord up above.
Never thought a mother can lose sight of her own product.
Maybe she thought it wouldn't cause any pain, but wow does this really hurt.
She does me off like if I was some type of dirt.
I guess she's not alert, that despite of all the hurt. I still love her, and that right now she's my role model.
Of all the wrongs in a mother's life a roll not to play in my future self.
I hope and pray that I become a better me and that the Lord hears my every weep because without him there wouldn't really be in me.

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As a child I grew up being neglected by my mother I'm one out of six kids 2 were libing with my grandmother that lives in puerto rico due to my mother having them at a young age then there was four of us that lived with my mother that happen to move to the U.S in Pennsylvania I was being raised with 3 boys I was the only girl I always had a feeling that my mother only neglected me because I was the only girl she'll always beat me and everything was always my fault as she had told me a thousand times over and over she let my step father take over her and he would repeatly beat her she watching him beat me grow stuff at me and nothing was ever don't she started doing drugs and she was being washed away by it there would be time where she would leave me and my little brother alone in the house for days or for a week and I had to find ways to take care of him making him food and eating anything we find because there was always food but I was only 6 my brother was 4 we didn't no how to make much but I tried and that's what keeped up going my older brothers were rarely around they were way other and in there late teen years