He left the house
We don't where he is
It's been a while
He probably went out to drink

My thoughts
Others' thoughts

I feel my heart sink
I feel numb

Because this time, I can't do it anymore
I want to yell, scream, panic
But all I do is sit
Let my thoughts consume me, devour me…

I want to ask
But I refrain myself
Until I can't refrain myself anymore

I ask the question
I know I shouldn't
But I do

Instant regret
Silence on his part

I try to make sense of the silence
Of him staring at me
Trying to look for answer in his stare, in his eyes

Until he says no
He walks away

I stand there frozen
Not knowing what to think
What to believe

All I can do is just stare
And look for the answer I believe

Breathe in
Breathe out
That's the mantra

Its supposed to be making me feel better
Then why isn't
WHY do I not feel better

Concentrate on other things
Find a distraction
And I try
A distraction in anything—everything

But alas my mind wanders
Even as I write this
My eyes drift
And I stare blankly at the gray walls
Envisioning something—anything

Slowly the silence sinks in
Even in silence
I hear the yells of the past life
They don't exist anymore, but I hear them
In my mind—my thoughts—my dreams

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