You finally realized you were completely broken, figuratively and quite literally not fixable that moment you no longer could communicate your intricate thought out words aloud so, instead you just sat there in devastating silence begging on the inside to be understood and noticed.
Not only is your voice a silent hostage but your mind refuses to participate as well. Your hurt resides so deep in your heart that your mind instantly becomes defensive. All those private thought out feelings willfully expressed and the endless repeating of deeply felt lyrics are rudely dismissed and forgotten. At that time your mind begins to form a shield to protect what's left of your fragile heart. Like unwanted smog, his harsh words linger in the air but your mind holds strong realizing your heart cannot stand another harsh attack.
Months of unnoticed tears and lonely soulless stares remain your burden to carry and your's alone. Your heart continues to break for the man you fell in love with. Even though his words never said you weren't good enough his continuous absences screamed it.
All that time you could painfully feel him forgetting about you he was completely oblivious to your heart falling to pieces right before his eyes. He never noticed the moment where you stopped living and just decided to merely survive. He also failed to witness how his silence made you physically ill and how the arms that once felt like home suddenly gave you the worst case of homesickness and longing to belong a body could take.
Instead of reading your emotional pleas on paper or really listening to those cherished melodies you related to he chose to come up with his own interpretations. He only focused on the pettiness in such things that were never intended as comparisons but merely as examples of such moments where words were so easily twisted. With all your defenses otherwise occupied you just recoiled and continued to feel broken and alone.
The worst distance felt between you now are miles of irrelevant misunderstandings and miscommunication. If he only could have realized how much those little moments had meant to you and the fact that at one point he had you where you would have left the entire world behind for him then maybe the distance now felt between each other would never have gotten so great.
Even though you have wished that you could hurt him in the intense way that he hurt you common decency and compassion have helped you realize that even if given the opportunity you could never have gone through with it.
So for now you feel doomed and afraid that you will become one of those couples that continue to repeatedly misread each other for the rest of your lives. The mind realizes so much sooner than the heart what is life changing and what is just heartbreaking. It's that very moment the mind convinces the heart it's wrong it decides it wants to stop forever. Your heart will eventually catch up with your head and that's when it will all become real and you will finally understand that you deserve so much more.
You will forever dread the day when memories flood your heart because someone asks if you know this man you once were in love with....and.....Just as those forgotten moments flash throughout your mind an unexpected smile will curve your lips and you will simply nod and reply...."I use to!"
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My point of view on how relationships can begin to unravel and the impact a partners silence and lack of attention can really have . Feelings and emotions associated with someone so in love yet so hurt they cannot continue in that same devastating direction any more.