CAPTIVE-vating

By IvyLea    IvyLea

You were captivating, and captivating you became. As my blue-green vacant eyes filled with the images of your strangely youthful smile,
your eyes of hazel somehow danced with every note you orchestrated.
When i found my arms finding your warmth in the night..
like a locust from it's shell.
Climbing to your gentle skin...as though the bark, your blossoms, those amazing blossoms of fruitful bounty.
I could dream beneath your canopy and let your prism of overhanging light guide me from my darkest nightmare.
Your tree is young but sewn in promise.
Your limbs are few but inviting of my senses. Your blossom so visually astounding...
there was no time or reason to ponder their bloom.
I am captivated.
And captivated so I abandoned the safety of my husk...
that capsule of protection;
from a harsh and unjust
world...
to bare myself...
naked in body...
naked in soul...
baring even the very weakness that would be my own defeat.
New to this world of affections and intended ignorance,
I looked up to you...
to guide me through the sticking web of the spider's maze...
spinning intricate weaves of deception...
spinning my tiny head.
To let the sunlight shine to adestination we would find peace and a HOME ..that elusive safety of understanding...
freedom...
the coveted embrace of god itself.
The embrace of acceptance and companionship.
Holding your hand when you need led...
holding your heart when its' beat grows weak...
holding your happiness as their own.
In the slumber of your seemingly protective shade...
with a sweet melody echoing of your beautiful refrain...
as we swayed through the blustery winds...
let my being enter your own.
A siren in the depths of the marbling soul encased in such wonders...
I am still captivated by your voice.
The promise and hope calling to me still.
And the crickets..
the noise...
the mindless chatter of insecurity in our wood...
captivated you still. I have journeyed far...
seen such things never believed...
felt with senses and sensations unknown to me.
Born anew to reclaim a whole.
But this travel has left me worn...
with no protection...
no desire to recede. Consumed only by a drive to be your need. Exposed...
often left lonely and questioning your seed.
You feel me too...
a presence you can't ignore...
a rustling deep within...
as inviting as your fruits...
your fragrance...
your song.
All that is still visible to you is that hard corpse.
Not pretty enough to adorn such glory.
Perhaps mistaken as an intruding harm...
a careless parasite to feed from host eminating a rare pheremone.
I was captivated by your acceptance of my strange disposition.
The prickly legs of my past...
the blank stare of a hardened state...
never to have known love.
You are now captivated by the husk tossed aside.
Leaving assurance and pride to explore a once believed luxury far from my stunted wingspan.
The feeling of doubt and resentment too soon fading your glow...
consuming insecurity rotting an endangered and necessary host that would...
could...
save this life.
This reality I endure.
To nurture such dull, lifeless spirit...
into a proud perch...
for your colorful blossoms...
But the captivating captured our trust...
and dreams..
and as your blossoms fade and become only shades of envy..jealousy..rage...
the tiny hope
of an insect like appearance
will be suffocatd in the decay.
If only i had not been captivated.
Perhaps you might have thrived.
But would your soul have mourned for this fearful..impressive..
but gentle
and grateful part of you?? Could I have shed my ugly fortress at all??
I will slumber once more while our HOME is ripped apart...
Oozing tears and regret ..and hope to meet my captivating love once again.
Capture me you have... Capture you I try
as my heart dies.
Cushed by the weight of your destruction...
But if you find me there...
peeking from some haven inside...
hoping your steady and solid bark...
your adventurous and strong branches...
the gallery of beauty in your bloom...
will peer inside to a dying hope.
Release that corpse from your grasp...
and instead hold in your heart a love and prosperity our union will forge.
Stop the raging fear that is poisoning you from this tainted soil...
reach your roots farther...farther!
To a pure source of fulfillment.
And I will grow with you love.
Experience each season by your side.
Protect you from all I have known...
Call out to me once more my beacon...
with a lullaby of comfort and compromise.
Ease this unbearable,
inexplicable emptiness somehow filled with loss so I may dream of our HOME.
Captive in another...
captivating us both..
No longer held captive by ourselves....

Poem Rating:
Click To Rate This Poem!

Continue Rating Poems


Share This Poem



This Poems Story

As someone with BPD I don't necessarily experience emotion like others. Especially attachments and love. Desperately trying to have that experience and not deny my partner any love I could give I dove into an emotional mission to join humanity. Just as I reached a part of this person I found admirable and safe they turned their back and closed themselves off in reaction to what they perceived as my lack of feelings.