Cheat Code

Why can I only be autistic when it’s convenient?

If I face the reality
Burn some bridges
Hurt peoples feelings
And apologize
But try to justify
“I’m so sorry, it’s my autism”

It’s a lie
It’s an excuse
It is an excuse
But not in that way
It’s a clarification

Why can I only be autistic when it’s trendy?

When it sets me apart
When it’s “quirky?”
How come when I face the deficits it brings
I’m “too sensitive”
Or
“Overreacting”

Why can I only be autistic when it’s a award
“Look at how well she’s doing, and she’s autistic!”
“Yeah I’m friends with her, she’s autistic.”
“You are really good at not seeming autistic”
But if I reveal my true self
I’m abandoned
And labeled a burden
And I am in the wrong

I didn’t know
I never know
People grow up knowing all the pieces to the model
And i got a few swapped out
It’s not an excuse
I know it’s not
But if you want to be an ally
You have to accept some insight i offer
Yes I’ll mess up
And yes I’ll do wrong
But you can’t always play the victim
When you were given the head start
You were given the answers
You got the cheat code
You got the “only when” to be forever
When I get a only got a few moments of understanding