The lock chattered as you walked out
I felt my heart drop and my soul disappear
The only person I knew, the only person I craved chose another route
All the tears, all the cracks, and all the pain I feared
Swallowed me whole with that one sound..
I unlocked the door hoping you’d turn around, hoping it was a dream
The tires of the car rolled backwards with guidance of your foot, so heavy on the pedal
My life , my future, is no longer what it seems
I couldn’t even shout for u to return, not even one rebuttal
The pen in my hand wobbles and shakes
For my anxiety and emotions are on fire.
Where did you go? Where are those feelings that we claimed for goodness sakes…
I'm on edge…I lost all hope…all desire…
I swipe my phone open
Is there a notification? Is it you telling me you love me?
I'm constantly praying, I'm constantly hoping…
Do I deserve this? Not one call..not one message..Can we agree to disagree???
My reality bulb finally turns on in my head…
I never thought I come to conclusion…
That what we had is gone..its dead..
This love I pictured..this marriage I foreshadowed..was just delusion
I locked the door this time… its something I have to do.
Its not meant for me..its not meant for dede..
The life I wanted …you said it isn’t it for you..
As much as it hurt…i now finally see….
That pen that once wobbled..that pen that once shook..
It now stands still..pressed upon a blank canvas..
And it takes my hand on a begins to write a new book..
So I smile at my daughter… “this is for more sadness”

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