Control


Have you ever thought if I’m being “controlling” why are you mad that I’m being controlling if it’s you allowing yourself to be controlled? The only person responsible for their actions is themselves. Therefore I do not control you. I do not have a joy stick making every move you make. I only have influence over you.
It is your fault for letting a person who is “controlling” to get so close to you that they have an influence or a hold on you. If I am able to control you then I clearly have an influence or a hold over you. I’m clearly dominant. You are clearly not the alpha. So what does that tell me?
Sure it may be wrong to take advantage of the fact that I have an influence over you. Knowing if I try to control you I will succeed. But then again it al comes back down to the controlee letting themselves be controlled. Why let someone have so much power over you they are the reason you do or do not do/say/think/feel something.
Although they may say the Apple does not fall far from the tree I don’t see myself as narcissistic.
I have empathy
I know how to express my feelings
I believe I did fall far from the tree
Maybe I rolled down a hill
But that doesn’t change the fact I came from that tree
So what hidden traits have I not yet learned to access.
What narcissistic behavior came out of me today to think so logically?
I do not see it as narcissistic I see it as realistic.
Nothing I said above was wrong.
It is just a selfish and shitty way to look at the situation.
For someone that does not want to take blame.
But for someone who was controlled a portion of their life I ask myself
Why did I allow myself to be controlled?
Because I was consumed with fear?
Yes.
I allowed you to have a hold and an influence over me.
Which was my fault as the controlee.
I hate you because you knew this.
You took advantage of the fact that you have influence over me.
That influence was love
Toxic love.
But yet I still allowed myself to be controlled.
So I cannot blame you.
Out of this I learned a lesson.
I no longer want to allow myself to be controlled.
No matter the influence.
But out of this I also became the controller.
I control others so they cannot control me.
I become the alpha so they do not get influence over me.
But I do not feel guilty for this decision.
Because if I am controlling
It is still you allowing yourself to be controlled
It all comes back to you
Therefore I am just a regular person.
I do not choose who I have influence over.
You choose to let me have influence over you.
You choose to listen/act/think/feel based on my inquiries
I do not control
I just make it difficult to be controlled.
I am just a regular person.
Just because what I feel I say/do/think is right
Does not mean you have to
But if you feel that way maybe it is because a small part of you knows this
But I am just a regular person

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