D.A.G.


This feeling is fear; this feeling is pain; this feeling is stuck inside my brain
This chemical imbalance has me feeling a fear for pain and it's driving me insane
It's suffocating me slowly; suffocating me oh so slow
It's suffocating me like the noose I wish I would have tied around my neck two years ago

I'm afraid of everything irrational
I'm afraid of happiness; afraid of love; afraid of passion- afraid of the emotional instability and what could happen in one last fatal, crashing blow
These feelings they have to go
But I know that these feelings are something my soul will always know

I'm afraid of myself and the skeletons I shut inside my closet
The demons inside of my head that I shoved in a sea of amnesia tricking my mind into thinking I'd lost it
The grave that I dug ten times as deep as my body just to make sure if I ever resurrected I could never escape
The word that traps my mind in it's own subtle curse- the inevitable, the unavoidable, the already determined- "fate"

There's a reason my horoscopes sign is water because I drown myself in the voices of demons and thoughts of false promises
There's a reason I block out my feelings because of my choices I'm screaming, "help!" but I'm stuck alone in my own-fault provinces
There's a reason that my initials spell out the first three letters of dagger because every time I try to give a piece of myself to someone I end up slicing a vain and bleeding internally
I hold the blade to myself and the handle to them. . . They don't mean to, but it's so very fragile: they take it too wrong and cut open my insides only to scar me eternally

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08/23/2017.