Diffidence


Dear diffidence,
Why won't you let go?
You put my efforts in vain,
Pull me down to the floor.
You drive me insane,
Shutting every other door.
You put to death my ideas,
My beliefs and my dreams.
You befriend my fears,
My inhibitions, my shame.

Much have I trudged
from mere nothing to the now.
Yet you toss my proud feats
To luck and nothing less.
You delight in my fall,
And my stagnant progress.
You rejoice my stall
And pin down my legs.

You make me walk circles;
Always back to level one.
My accomplishments thus
Being little to none.
Why keep pushing the boulder
that refuses to budge?
Why wait for a day
that is never to come?

Yes, you've engulfed me.
You've plagued my very being.
How I wish to starve you!
To not feed you what you need -
Every suppressed opinion,
Every pause, every backspace,
Every second and third thought,
Failed attempts of what I sought.

You convince me I am wrong
That there's nowhere I belong.
That I'm to hide in my cocoon,
Embracing failure
Once and for all.

But deep down lives a voice
that believes in braving storms.
I'm not enough, you've said,
But not this voice in my head,
The voice that steers free from
your condescending jabs.

I've fallen prey to you
Much as I tried not to.
You labelled me nothing
And I would call you the same.
For, there does live a voice
you will never be able to tame.
There lives a voice
That I long to embrace,
Who will one day prove you wrong,
And find where I belong.

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