Do You See Me?

I am one of four
I am the last of four
I am the baby of four
I am the worthless one of the four

I am over dramatic they say
I go over the top they say
I make things into a bigger deal they say
I don’t understand they say
I am not important they say.

The first one is golden
Athletic and smart
You can do no wrong
It’s obvious who had moms heart from the start.
There is so much she can brag about
So much to be proud of
She is strength, she is beauty, she is smart
She is the chosen one to mom choose to love the most from the start.

The second is the most beautiful
She is successful in her beauty
She was made of her own design.
She profits off of her creativity in the mind
The first to give her a grandchild who was so rare
In red she appeared and so precious everywhere
The first to give a boy onto our family
The first to have a family worth having.
The first business all on her own
The first to prosper in a carrier she created on her own

The third is the smartest
The one with all the answers
The median in all the fights
Her witty humor is the guiding light
Her reason is why we do not fight.

Then the last, this one is me
I am no one worth seeing.
I was called over dramatic but did they once stop to see
That I blew up because I held in all the things that upset me?
So when the last straw was drawn I blew up over their head in my quest to stay silent, I became the one that shouted the most.
When I accomplish anything I am overshadowed by their excellence, and to keep my feelings in I just stay silent.
I pretend it doesn’t bother me
I joke about how it’s not a big deal
But at the end of the day no one cares about me.
Can you see me now?
Did you ever see me then?
Would it have ever mattered if I had once been the winner?
My son is second rate, because he is the fourth.
But I don’t want him to feel the way I feel being fourth.
I was tossed aside, and left unattended, but to me he is the world
And deserves just as much as the first, just because his mom is fourth
Shouldn’t be the reason why he isn’t put first.

I watch you gather around each other to be the support, and I stand here,
Cold and unattended.
Would you see me better if I were more athletic?
Would you see me better if I had cancer?
Would you see me better if I had a child first?
Would you see me better if I was that academic Scholar?
Would you see me better if I started my own business?
Would you see me better if I spoke up louder?

No, you wouldn’t see me better, because you never saw me when I was there.
I just take up space in the spaces of the photos and you’ll never see me
Because why would I be worth seeing?

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