Don't open the door!

I feel alone as if I am stuck in my own mind. I feel like I’m sitting in a windowless room trapped away from others. I cannot see, but I know there is a way out of this darkness. I have been here before. Some people would ask me why am I not moving? Why am I just laying here as if I was paralyzed? You would stay here if you knew what I knew. I close my eyes and the memories start to flash across my mind. Of me stepping out into the winding hallways of my mind. I had walked many miles opening different doors. I found things that had made me believe in pure joy, and I found things that tore me apart little by little. However, my biggest downfall was when I approached a rather large door with a warning. Curious to see what was behind that door, I broke the chain keeping the door shut. When I walked through that door… STOP! I do not want to relive my past, but I know it is is too late. As I lay here in the pitch black, the memories seep in. When I first opened the door, I came across innocent and beautiful trinkets of life. My favorites had been the overwhelming sense of tiny winged bugs floating in the air, the comforting blanket of belonging. It was when I came upon the grandest of them all; an indescribable feeling, and I was doomed. I embraced it with open arms, already addicted to the sense of euphoria that it gave me. I didn’t notice what the way it slowly shifted and twisted into a horrific and agonizing creature trapping me in its arms. I screamed as it smashed my beloved butterflies, turning them into stomach-dropping dread. I sobbed and begged as it tore apart my relationships and it made a shawl of alienation. When I was finally released from the monster’s clutches, I was torn and scared. A tear runs down my cheek as I remember crawling towards the door slamming it shut, vowing to never open it again. I lay here in the darkness because I remember looking at the sign on the door, the warning I had ignored. I sit here alone because I now know what that warning meant when it said Love is deceitful.

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