Drawing Dragons

I push a pencil across paper
And draw dragons in a padded room
My lack of
being able to communicate properly
push needles
into places
I am not ready for the world to see
I wake in a daze
Fighting a maze
of this misunderstanding
The drugs cloud my mind
trying to silence a part of me
I search for my creativity
in the darkness of a abyss
with this
I just figured out I'm the light
This poem may have been born of pure spite
You can think what you like
I never wish to die
I just never wanted to be born of brackish water
I was meant to be a river
Or ocean
A place of my own creation
Never breaking
A beauty all consuming
And as far as the eye can see
Forever attracted to that which is "beneath me"
The gracefully misguided
Beautifully balanced in it's brokenness
I am forever doomed to kiss our cusp line
taking parts of you
and making them mine
No matter how many times
I have am pushed back to myself
My privilege and audacity
Won't let me believe
you can make it without me
I warn
keep it classy
For I'll send a tsunami crashing down on you
wiping the slate clean
I can get pretty mean
I am the boy who cried and the Wolf
There's a hurricane
residing inside of me
I will sweep your life up
and place it
where it was never meant to be
With this
You'll never forget me
I should have been born a river
A soul pure and mysterious
Appearing from beneath you
A spring of pure stregth
Transforming war into wisdom
Carrying tragedy like trophies
Transporting generational curses into greatness
Take a note and save this
With nothing
but tenacity and time
I can carve my way through anything
stone to grave
grave to sand
the world is mere putty in my hands
For I am the will and the way
You can say what you want to say
Again I have lost the day
I push a pencil across paper
an draw dragons in a padded room
Ever fearful of the inpending Doom
A knock on the door is mere food
I fear it is trying to steal something from me
I search for my creativity
In the darkness that is an abyss
with this
I just figured out
that I'm the light
This poem may have been born of pure spite
You can think what you like
When a man with a face not like mine
Asked me to open doors
To places I was not supposed to go
Answer questions I was not supposed to know
What do I tell him?
The truth is to grim
A lie unbelievable
I was 11 the first time I was asked to question my own existence
To young to master the fact i am temporarily permanent.
Not quite old enough to have gotten to that chapter in his story
So i know nothing of my roots trampled with tragedy
and marinated misery
So when men look at me
then my mom mother with distain
She just wants to run away
All I see is a mirror and my face
So I look away and say what he want to hear
I don't want to be here
Sometimes I think of taking to many pills and going into a long nap and with a finger snap
I push a pencil across paper and draw dragons in padded room
These drugs take time and silence the parts of me
I am not supposed to question
The doctors say
they are achieving their mission
They see me progressing
to mock happiness
and simulated conformity
My Life won't such a catastrophe
I wonder what would have happened if he had asked me
How do you feel about being half black and half white?
Could I have told him the truth.
I am just like everyone else sir.
I just want to feel whole.
Belong to a family where daddy protects mommy and the baby isn't her biggest regret.
But I digress
For he didn't ask me that and I didn't have that answer
13 years ago I never knew
what I know
I drew dragons in padded rooms
Place the father behind the mother tail tucked around her
the child tucked into her.
I placed smiles on their faces and colored them all the same shade
And with that my dragons where slayed. So you can say what you want to say.

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