The first time I found it hard to breathe
I was sitting in a dark room clutching my fists
One year past a decade marked my age
My skin became a reflection of the tornado I felt inside
Revealing my new favorite colors lost and alone
As I continued to grow year after year
So too did my rehearsed personality and bright smile
Eventually I met someone who fed off my insecurity
Fueled by my weathered eyes and damaged soul
He took advantage of my reckless nature
And left my jagged edges even more broken than before
That year I learned how to paint with the colors fine and fake
Time didn't seem to remain frozen like I was
Lost in a maze that appeared to be my reality
Young age taught me that what you can't see is simply fiction
So I cut my hair and bought a bigger smile
Distraction came in the form of education and occupation
That was the year I forgot that I knew how to swim
She found me drowning in a world I was taught to be grateful for
The paint on my skin began to dry as my veins healed
Time inevitably passed and I was ready to try again
It was then that I realized fighting is all I've ever known
Stuck in this secret civil war wearing me thinner than air
Smiling behind my automatic bulletproof personality
Perfected over two decades that prove I'm winning the war
Stammering my words as vulnerability takes over
Remembering that sometimes it's hard to breathe
But drowning makes it even harder

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