Dying to Live

Having life; living; existing; not dead or lifeless; animated;
Definitions of alive, at least according to the dictionary, yes I
Looked, read it, reread it, more than twice, but what if one is all
These but simultaneously, none of them; the little ones, all healthy
And plump, need you to bandage scrapes, curse them for eating too
Much sugar while slipping two extra Oreos each into their snack bags
You send them off to school with and wait for them to return with
Homework, homework you knew how to do twenty something years ago but
Nope, not now; they haven't a clue. Do not forget to fix dinner, the
Children are starving; they're always starving; your sister calls to
Talk your ear off on the latest chaos in her perfect hell, household
That is, while Mother beeps in to praise you on your
Accomplishments while deprecating you on what you have not; your
Lover's home, tired, hungry; he must be fed, he wants dinner too, of
Course; most of your soul has hemorrhaged back at that close to
Minimum waged 9 to 5 in your shoe box sized cubicle under the
Incompetent being with the smug grin painted in Forest Raspberry
Balsamic Vinegar, wit of a jelly bean; tired of lying to the naïve
And impotent, smiling about it but you're still on the clock, a few
More hours to be a dancing ape,"Fake it till you make it", the
Manager barks out indubitably, you smile, a beautiful smile to the
Boss, to the little ones, your sister, Mother, your lover, you're
Dead inside and still bleeding, trails and spatters of heart ache,
Regrets and lies; so red, blackened; everyone sees you but they don't
And you get to rewind that old VHS tape and play from the beginning.
Having life, living, existing; is what it says in the dictionary.

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