ELLIS


Because I’ve never been this happy.
Because I still write those damn letters everyday thinking somehow you’d love me.
Because they hate the way you treat me- pure destruction.
Because she likes you.
Because she loves you.
Because I like you.
Because they say I love you.
Because I hate it.
Because I’ve never been this happy.
Because I replayed the night over and over in my head trying to memorize the curve of your lips.
Because I did.
Because I buy the Smooth Mint Extra Gum every time since that’s what your mouth tastes like.
Because now it doesn’t.
Because you were supposed to be my happiness.
Because you were. Because then you weren’t.
Because then you were.
Because I’ve never been this happy.
Because I’ve never been this sad.
Because I’ve never been this hurt.
Because I’ve never been this okay.
Because you’re not going anywhere and because they don’t get that.
Because you seem to enjoy having me wrapped around your finger.
Because you weren’t supposed to be my hamartia.
Because you are.
Because I’ve never been this happy.
Because we always bake, never boil our hotdogs.
Because you gave me the best day of my life.
Because little did I know that that was only one side.
Because that was to lure me in as if I wasn’t caught in the loophole already.
Because I couldn’t breathe when it was over.
Because I still can’t breathe.
Because I don’t want to.
Because I’ve never been this happy.
Because I was the Lady and you were the Tramp.
Because you went first.
Because I went second.
Because it was a french fry instead.
Because I found you so charming and funny and lovely and wonderful and different.
Because you found me so beautiful.
Because I find myself so broken.
Because I’ve never been this happy.
Because the glasses broke.
Because maybe it’s a sign.
Because maybe you still loved her or loved her again or never stopped loving her to begin with.
Because maybe you didn’t always want me after all.
Because maybe you didn’t need me after all.
Because maybe I wasn’t as beautiful as you found me to be.
Because maybe I wasn’t beautiful at all.
Because maybe Sky and Sara and Jordan and Italia and Serena were right because maybe I was only 15 and not yours because you kiss when you care and you thought I was trying to overpower you when I was only trying to give you what I thought you deserved because maybe I really was wrong in the fact that you were worth it because maybe you were right that you aren’t worth it because it’s way too late for me to turn back now because I’ve already criedandcriedandcriedandsmiledandcried because I like you you who is courted by few because you are unapologetically beautiful because I know there was something before you because I can’t remember because I don’t want to remember because forget butterflies I feel the whole zoo when I’m with you because when I told you that the Bible said that love never fails and if it failed then it wasn’t really love you said we aren’t failing because he would’ve approved of you because I wrote this for you but I hope you never read it because if darkness isn’t darkness but rather the absence of light then my flaws aren’t really flaws but rather the absence of you because you aren’t Lazy Eye because orange is ours because your treasure is my possession although I didn’t take it because Robert is our alter ego because I like you because I love you.
Because I’m not that dirty little…
Because LiLoForeverGettingShwifty.
Because 20 days and because 3 months, 13 days and counting.
Because you were unhappy.

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