Cold empty mornings
Not knowing how to move on
The mind races
Heart beats faster
My mind in such a tizzy that I can no longer tell which way is up...
And which way is forward....
Pain in my chest bursts forward
Nails clawing to making the pain go away... I cry out in pain, not able to breathe... Shaking, feeling the walls enclosing..
And then, silence
Everyone disappears but you and your words. Your promises of better days and Forevers.
Like the rest... you walk away...
To say I hate you would be a lie into itself...
For, give me thought and clarity for half a second, I would show that I am one who should not be taken seriously when irrationality and pain over takes me.
Less everything said by me will hurt and be accusatory. And then I would be alone
And when alone I feel like an injured doe that was cast aside by her buck
Just abandoned to pick herself up with out knowing how...
How to survive....
To care for herself or young
Afraid of being afraid, of trying and failing to provide. A sense of loss at what I can no longer control. My craziness seeps in and I go to the darkest corners of my mind
Darkness is my home...these feelings that everytime I am left with my thoughts, I'm plagued. My minds fears, always close to the surface
My death.... My world... My loved ones taken from me by the monster inside of me that's wants to be let out...
The battles within keep anyone from getting closer and kept locked out, because how can I fight my demons if I have to fight everyone who isn't even there..
Not that anyone can see..
The real battle is in me..