You never know when it will hit.
When it does, you shake.
You feel like you are being torn apart.
Then just when you think the fear has ended
When it returns it hurts worse than before.
Being thrown into something you didn't know you wanted.
Being rushed into your feelings.
Being told to be apart of someones life not knowing if you are ready.
Fear starts to bring anxiety.
The feeling of having no one to open up to.
No one who will understand the pain you are going through.
Knowing the fact that this isn't who you want.
Also knowing that the one you want doesn't want you back.
Which brings you back to the tears, anxiety, and fears.
But then you see the look on the one you wants face.
All you feel is the smile on your face when he smiles.
You worry about him when he is upset.
All you want to do is show him how much you care.
But the only way you can is by talking or hugging him.
But again you still know you can't have him.
The hurt comes back.
You feel like curling into a ball and crying.
Like turning your phone off so you're alone.
But if you do everyone will know something is wrong.
So all you can do is be left hurting while everyone thinksyouareokay.
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