There is an enemy that I did not know existed deep down within me, I try to fight it but cannot. I cannot fight what I cannot see and cannot hide from what I can’t touch.
I would reach for the heavens seeking help, but I am afraid of the fall, stand up straight Soldier, head and eyes to the front no time to be weak is all that I can recall.
Trying to muster up enough strength to fight this last battle is becoming more than I anticipate, trying to figure out my life when the enemy will not even call a truce and sit down to negotiate.
I smile when I should cry holding back these tears and battle scars, sitting in the darkness of silence praying the enemy does not pick me off from afar.
I wish it was as simple as lay my weapon down and take a knee, but how can I do that when so many are depending on me.
War to define me and my life is an ongoing battle in my head trying to keep moving because if I stop, I will no longer exist I will be dead.
Seeing what I have seen and losing all I have lost caring this ruck sack of pain and misery is truly more expensive than what it really cost.
As I watch people from my foxhole as they go on with their daily lives unable to move afraid of what may be waiting for me trying to fight this unseen enemy.
Minutes turn into days and days into nights fighting a enemy with no remorse and no end in sight.
Push forward keep fighting is something that is always said, but how can you keep fighting when the battle is deep within your head.
So, all I ask when this battle is over remember I fought a good fight all the way to the end and never gave an inch to this PTSD the enemy within.