Envy


white…
a white canvas…

WHITE!!
NOTHING ELSE?!

I have no paint…
Why don’t I have paint?

Paint me starry…
Paint me as a vase with golden flowers…
Paint me as a lover… of a poor man of ambition.
Paint me black…
Paint me green… or red…
A single stroke…
paint me something

I have no sky…
no mountains or crimson sunset.

and you claim me as art?
I am untitled…
I am plain…
I am given no nails to be hung…
No moment to be analyzed… or appreciated

or awed at…

You have the brush in hand!
You are the creator!
The ultimate artist!

you painted them!
Why not me?!

I… I’m not… I’m not angry…
I’m not sad…
I’m jealous…
I want a meaning…
They have meanings!
They are beautiful! And cherished for it!

I want to be cherished…
Valued by you… fuck… by anyone!

No one loves me… because
i am plain…
i am nothing...

…i’m sorry…

I am not angry…
I am not jealous…
I… I Envy them…
I want to be them…
I want to be a piece of art…
abstract… realistic… i don’t care…
I just don’t want to be me…
I don’t want to be… Envy.

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