Ever Present

I drag my feet and pull open the door
One step out and then one more
Excitement inside me as I look at the yard
Two seconds later the crash hits me hard
All the air escapes my lungs and there is no breath left within me

Quickly spinning one hundred and eighty degrees
Trying to stand above my buckling knees
Ripping open the door and running back in
I am in my safe space once again
Oxygen hits me hard and I exhale forcefully

When will I wake up from this nightmare
I am so tired of feeling this kind of invisible despair
Trying to leave the house is too much so I've become a recluse
Though people tell me I use it as an excuse
It is forever a part of me weighing me down, stealing all my delight

As present as the sky so gray
It visits me every day
Reminding me I am but a prisoner of my mind
A mind that is so rarely kind
It is a drug and I cannot get away from it
All consuming and I cannot quit

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