Exhumed


I've been staring out of the window into the darkness for the past hour.
Entranced by the sound of the cold, dreary rain as it falls to the earth.
Dark. Cold. Dreary.
What a perfect pairing to my usual drab existence.
The same routine commences daily.
There are no changes.
Everything is always grey.
This is another useless day.
Plagued with inglorious and mundane purpose.
I don't feel. I don't participate.
I don't exist in your world.
Not until you need me to fix all of your problems.
Tiny circles enclose me, they keep me separate. Divided.
I'm an entity all of my own.
There are none like me.
I've placed the circles around myself to keep the pain of rejection low.
If I label myself first, maybe it won't hurt when others do it,
as they label me regularly.
Being cold and insensitive is extremely easy.
Finding fault in you helps me to feel nothing.
No presence of guilt.
No sympathy or remorse.
It helps to keep this numbness in tact.
Please, do not speak. I just need the silence.
Don't say my name. Don't call it out. Let the quiet take hold. It deserves a turn for once.
Telephonic invasions go ignored, as usual. You won't get me.
Straight to my voicemail you flew. Nothing new.
That's the closest semblance of conversing you will get from me.
At this point, I've already drifted off shore into the vast ocean of oblivion that the world has created for me.
It is there on my island of isolation that I wait until I am summoned, pulled out of my own head.
The heavens must have opened their floodgates, or so it would appear.
"It's time to cleanse the badlands" said Mother Earth as she sheds her tears.
This rain is trying to break my bones. It is falling with an unusual force.
It's tugging away, provoking my inner melancholia, the kind I try to keep tucked away in a little vault. Dead horse.
Ten-thousand times I have sworn to myself that I would never exhume those arid, bitter feelings of decay.
But they've somehow escaped and are trying to resurface today.
Almost there. Almost to the top.
I never even stood a chance.
From out of nowhere, I was knocked right off of my feet. Emotion hit me like a train on a track.
A brick to the face would have been less subtle.
Still in shock from my bursted bubble.
Is this real? I'm no longer numb!
I feel! I feel!
Unto my feelings I succumb.

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