Falling in love with your illness

Falling in love with an illness
Is like Romeo and Juliet,
A tragedy.
When I saw the symptoms of depression,
I pictured poetry
I saw wisdom and understanding as a part of me.
I admired the rose, and ignored the thorns,
But I have been pricked too many times
The hanging sword, I ignored
and to my surprise, it fell.
I am lucky to be alive.
My anxiety was me being innocent and fragile.
It was telling me I was kind, I was anxious to hurt others.
I faked who I was so I could tell myself people liked me
Yet, it that was what drove me to insanity.
I am not an angel trying to get to heaven.
There is nothing romantic about my suicide
Putting a gun to your head with tears in your eyes is not a beautiful image
The media might convince you otherwise
But if I die,
Will you write poems and speeches
about how the beast within me just wasn't on its leashes?
Saying that I was a warrior, just not a survivor.
But I am not a fighter!
Stop beautifying the scary things in life
Teach kids these thoughts aren't right
Seeing art in a bloody wrist is not fine
But seeing a battle which you won is divine
Because falling in love with a disease is unrequited love
It is a mindset, we need to get rid of.
I am begging you please,
do not end up this way
Recovery is harder,
There's lack of motivation
It seems your brain is never on vacation
Tell me I'm unhealthy
I do not need your prayers
Tell me I'm a tragedy
I do not need to be in everybody's heart
Tell me I'm destructive,
That I'm nearing demolition
Or you will hear me on the news when cooking in your kitchen
And who will be to blame?
Me for believing in all this fame,
Or you for giving it to me?

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A mess of a poem, but I wanted to write something for those who are in love with the way they are perceived for their illness, and how the media and many young teenagers need to stop thinking that this path is the way to go to get you what you need. It isn't. Stay away from those pictures on social media. Or read them and say that isn't you. We are fighters and the journey is tough but the journey of growing up is already hard enough so just stick with that my young ones. Much love