family's disappointment

When closing my eyes is when I can really see
the frightening darkness that’s truly within me
a heart dripping with pain
a mind filled with shame
so much destruction with a simple touch of a hand
so much suffering caused to them without an end
my mouth is only capable of disappointment
my eyes ache to see love in a moment spent
my family is color washed fading away
slipping through my hands while I’m stuck on replay
caged in a blame box with no where to turn
yelling for the worlds expectations to burn
suffocating on my own truth
I release the ways of my unguided youth
I force my eyes to open for the last time now
And with my last breath I ask , can I fix it somehow ?

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