First to hurt


All I ever wanted was for you to love me I wanted you to be proud of who I was Look at me and tell me how proud of me you are We both played our parts in the reason why our relationship didn't work I had grown into the person I was And you weren't there to see me become me
So when I became strong and able to walk on my own you missed it
Birthdays I never celebrated you weren't there I would get a card in the mail but that wasn't fair
I needed time your time and now all you want is space
Now my head is in a disarray
I turned to my mom and I would ask why didn't he ever love me
Why wasn't I ever good enough
Why when he looked at me he couldn't see a reflection of love
How come he loved you more than her ever loved me
you called her to tell her the problems you had with me but you couldn't talk to me
Now as an adult
I'm steady wondering if I wasn't good enough for my father
then what man will look at me and say "she's good enough for me"
You've played a vital part of a lot of what's hurting me
Self loathing the woman I'm trying to become steady holding myself back because of that seed you planted in me how dare you say you hate me
how could you hate me MAN YOU CREATED me
I wish you could take your sperm back and allow a real man to bless my mom with a child so now what I look for in a man I make sure he's nothing like you
That's why a lot of guys don't get very far because of you
I look of them and then I think of you
so I make sure that one day if I ever decided to take that step that my kids would never turn to me and say why didn't he ever love me
Why wasn't I ever good enough
Why when he looked at me he couldn't see a reflection of love
Of himself
half of him in me
so now I hate this other half of me that was never good enough.

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