Forget About Her

I can’t breathe.
It isn’t because I’m upset,
Because I’m not.
Not upset.
I rarely am anymore.
No, that’s wrong.
I am,
But it’s not painful
Like it used to be
Back when I had real emotions;
Back when I knew what it meant
To be human
And not an empty husk
With nothing going on inside.
I’m a husk,
And God
But it hurts so much
To be empty.
Words echoing,
Always screaming in my head,
Slamming their fists
Against my battered throat,
Tripping over my bloody tongue,
Whispering past my chewed lips
Because all their power
Was lost fighting me.
I’m my own villain,
My own executioner.
I wrap ropes around my neck
And take a leap of faith
Off the nearest building.
My community service?
Wipe my remains off
Of your three-hundred-dollar boots
And forget about the girl
Who used to sit across from you in class
With the saddest smile;
Twisting her depression
Into something almost edible.
Forget about the girl
Who stood for
Everything that burns
And curdles
And breaks.
Forget about the girl
Who used to be okay.
Forget about the girl
Who’s nothing more
Than a streak across the pavement
And a brief vigil in the streets,
An excuse for tears
When she didn’t deserve them
In the first place.

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I wrote this to release some of my anger and frustration, as well as anguish, while struggling with depression and being suicidal.