My heart beats with rapid panic, scared of the monster I've become
The past resides within me, making my only destination where I'm from
Possessing a mind so eager to let go of all the pain from yesterday
Pretending I forgave everyone and all the hurt went away
The time I've been given to achieve my dreams
Is truly anything but what it seems
For my wretched heart longs for the day I get relief from my madness
While I constantly sit here and analyze my mistakes and sadness
Blessed with an opportunity most people would kill for
Yet to me it's just another closed door
Thoughts racing making it impossible to focus on what I need
And instead I regret the very reason I breathe
An atmosphere of solitude and isolation, enough to lose my sanity
Priding myself on my level of intelligence, my only form of vanity
I lost God somewhere along the way, perhaps He took a different path
Perhaps we'll reach the same destination, perhaps I'll finish last
I've sought refuge in the thoughts of my intentions
But my actions are quite the opposite of what I hold within
I once had values and beliefs but I've lost my cause to care
And all that's left on my face is an empty blank stare
Wondering what happened to the "self" I used to love and adore
The person more important than anyone else I used to live for
She's gone with the wind, circling around just enough to taunt
And the evil from my past is just enough to haunt
What will it take to hit the floor of the deepest blue sea?
Because all I am now is but a mere fraction of the person I used to be

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