Glimpse


Today I saw a glimpse of heaven....
Maybe not heaven...
But the godly human form in front of me has been molded perfectly by the divine....
I couldn’t stare to long because destruction and paradise don’t go together...
I’d be afraid he’d notice what’s not good for him...
My eyes pour rivers of burning stories while his only gives you doses of tranquility....
My skin like fossils...
Each mark printed on me from battles of suffering....
His....
Smooth as water with no imprints of terror just love....
My body made from broken grounds and violations of innocence....
But His I admire....
Sculpted perfectly like a god...
Every inch of his body welcomes mine ensuring me of my safe haven....
My mouth glued shut when he’s present....
Angst that what I could say will lead to his expiration date ....
While his wraps around me like magical symphonies...
Touches of hatred and self sabotage are what my fingers have been designed to l posses....
But his are like the hands of god fixing shattered parts of those who need saving....
I bite my lips at lustful thoughts....
Not the kind of lust that intertwines our bodies becoming one....
Instead the kind that took sorrows and laid them in beds of joy...
The kind that makes my mind body and soul connected....
Yes with his intelligence....
And his manners....
I’m afraid....
So please don’t come to close...
Maybe he’ll see the damage in me and flee...
Maybe he’ll think that the urges I have are just sexual....
Or maybe he’ll think he’s a games bc I hinder my own growth in fear I can’t be fixed.....
Which can cause him to feel incomplete....
I can’t lie tho...
Sometimes fear doesn’t find my heart but the thought of you does...
I wonder if I gave you this broken heart will it cause you to run...
Or to read the pages of the tainted history embedded in me....
Will you hate me?
Knowing I’ll always need stitches bc some wounds are like volcanic fires....
Never ending.....
Or will you be the medication that leads me to my healing...
I don’t mean to ask so many damn questions....
But I’m nervous.....
That right now you’ll want me till you see how many cracks I truly have....
He intimidates me....
Not knowing the main fear in me is for a man to be whole while I’m in two....
Debating whether I’m deserving of blessings or an attraction to dead ends....
The images I’ve illustrated in my mind are of warmth and internal satisfaction when our bodies mend two halves of a broken heart...
Ensuring it becomes a place where peace is always found and is stolen so easily....
My eyes climb him like a ladder examining him....
Breath taking thoughts of happiness....
But I’m not there yet....
A man deserves a well put together queen....
And im deserving of a king who understands a broken glasses can be beautiful souls...
Maybe that’s why he watches me.....
Because when he sees that I’m ready heaven won’t be a glimpse anymore....
But a new beginning..:
~E.B.

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