Gritted Healing

By EJ   

The flood might finally be stopping.

I am my own almightiness.

I wish them all a lifetime
Of safety and cliches
Of low, warm lighting
And the soundtrack of hums.
But
I do not wish them me ever again
I wish them better than that.

I wish I could be sugar sweet
Until you are rotten
Moon caving in your lap.
That kind of love.

But I am pointing a gun
At glass
Because I am all ammunition
And just because I lived through things
And coped
That does not mean I ever really wanted to.
But give me time.

I am sin and doomed wreckage.
A howling heart.

But I am learning to say
I love you
and
I am grateful for you
And I will try.

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This Poems Story

Written during the stages of me learning to accept that I may want recovery, I may want healing. I may want to try.