Have I

By Jane   

following the open road in the early hours of the day
you look at me and make out my silhouette of grey
then flat out asks me if i’ve ever thought about dying
i’ve thought about living
but living isn’t easy and
it makes me dizzy
living spins me around in ways that are not in my favor
tossing me around in a tornado but i am not one with nature
and honey, i’m sorry
sorry for so many things
most importantly i am sorry for not being better
a better person
a better friend
i am sorry that some days i can’t dress myself or even get out of bed
so please don’t call me at 2 in the morning when you have a nightmare
i’m battling my own demons at the word of the Lord’s prayer
the silence in the night is not holy, calm or bright
the silence in the night throws me into oblivion, it’s easy to see that i am not alright
i can’t think in complete thoughts anymore
i can’t concentrate when the only thing that matters is waking up the next morn’
when the sirens of the alarm make my bones quake
the noise rushes at me and the heavenly peace is gone as i realize
that i am now awake
but no
i never thought about dying
have you?

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