Her Name

Again, you roll her name across the tongue of your mind.
Learning, obsessing over the taste.
Memorizing every soul igniting bite,
and mind numbing cold.
Her name,
like every poison ever known to man.
Dangerous to it's very core.
Yet so welcoming.
Home.
Carefully you lick up every drop in your mind, every syllable of her name.
Desperate for another fix only to be found in her eyes,
and her laugh.
A high so hard to come down from
so desperate and exhilarating
Like the first time rebelling against your parents as a teen.
That party you weren't supposed to go to but by god if that wasn't the best night of your life.
Or so you thought.
That was before you found yourself hooked on the sound of her voice.
She's the kind of high you hear overdose stories about.
Because it's just too good to end, and so you keep going back fro more even when your brain keeps demanding that you stop.
Give your poor soul a break from the way the sound of her breathing makes you feel.
But you simply can't break free.
Like every drug in the world surging through your veins.
Fighting over who gets to take the final blow.
Leaving you fighting for life in the hospital room because you fell
and you fell hard.
From the third floor window of your buddies house.
Free falling towards every bad decision your parents ever told you not to make.
Because that hedge looked safer from way up there.
But now looks dangerous and painful,
and maybe even a little stupid.
Because her name,
makes you feel a little stupid.
Hearing her name makes you feel invincible.
Like a cheap rip off of superman maybe.
Or like "hey watch this" and you daringly dive head first into every single I told you so you have ever received.
Because she is that kind of high. The kind you don't want to come down from
The world seems darker at ground level.
Like the sun is hiding behind the vowels that make up her name.
Like the clouds of everyone who is more capable than you and more important than you suddenly clouds your ability to leave ground level.
Clouds your ability to see your own worth because she isn't there.
Her name.
a reminder that you are bigger than ground level.
and that you,
are probably the biggest loser she has ever known.
Because who else do you know that adores a name that never even had to be mentioned