Here I Am

I hear sounds of spring outside my window
But all I feel is heartache.
I see people walking, running, smiling, laughing
But all I feel is sadness.
I smell delicious foods being prepared
From open windows of this house or that house
But I have no appetite.
The loneliness is overwhelming to me;
I should be used to it, but I am not.
Everyone says "Time heals everything," but it just goes on;
This sadness will never end, I have lived with it for so long.
I try to smile, but it feels strange, foreign, unnatural.
I go on "living," only because of the kids.
They don't know how I really feel, because I never let them see-
I never let them hear my crying, my anguish, my heartache.
When I left, everyone was "surprised"
Or they "never knew" something was wrong.
Why should they? I put on my mask and costume.
Maybe I should have gone into acting;
I have acted my entire life, playing to everyone's expectations.
But living for others always comes at a price:
Heartache, sadness, a hunger
For a real friend, loneliness.
I have grown accustomed to my mask
My costume, my so-called life.
I will continue to exist because of the kids,
And someday.cease to exist.

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