History Repeats Itself

There’s a feeling within that I cannot conceal
It is visible within my eyes
Sometimes there’s a glimmer or a twinkle which resurrects a fire in one’s heart ;but there also lies a detected darkness
Frustration illuminates in every sentence
A nervousness
Is it insecurity within my own subconscious or a premonition
Is it depression or a conjecture of the inevitable
Can anyone ..will anyone… remain with me when I’m unable to maintain equilibrium

Knowing these ups and downs can’t be controlled
How can I expect you to apprehend when I’m incapable of deciphering the origin

Repercussions of this emotional rollercoaster forces me to a standstill
Scenarios begin to replicate in my mind
They say history repeats itself and I start to see a trend
I cant focus I cant smile and I cant pretend
Thoughts recapitulate “Why do all good things come to an end”
Introspections pile into my cranium

Incessant acquisition of cynical self-reflection to commence my interactions

Other peoples trance is my reality

My anxious veracity turns into my paralysis

Darkness inhibits my physique
I discover myself sinking more like drowning
I can visualize myself swimming but I’m incapacitated
Connected to a life jacket that’s faulty with the feeling of a million bricks pulling me under
Gradually as my anatomy is weighing down in the deep sea I see my being gazing into the light
I hear “ You know what you have to do to get air”
But I’m numb, I’m immobilized , I cant breathe
I arise to a realism; I’m alive
My disposition is of uncertainty

Did someone save me?
did I rescue myself?
Bruised and achy from the near defeat

I begin to prepare for the succeeding obstacle
Because I’m conscious that history repeats itself

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