I Am

I am cold and tired
Too tired of being curious and pronounced the Cat
Refuse to listen to the lies told eventually traveling one ear to the other
Watching my heart slowly crumble from a third-person perspective
Desiring for the light of happiness that barely glows
I am cold and tired
I pretend to smile and laugh and play along
I feel nothing yet something heavy derived from the numbness pushes me underwater
Reaching for the safety of a warm blanket to cover my head as my protective shield from the terrors of the world
Hands desperately reaching for another to lift only to grasp empty air and pitiful glances
I worry for the reactions of the others if they found out, so I lower my hands and instead wrap them around myself in place of my warm fuzzy blanket
Silent tears slip from my eyes absorbing into what would’ve been my blankie only to hit my hands and making me notice its absence and repeating the process of tears once again
I am cold and tired
I understand how it isn’t a trend to be so tired that it seems to be easier to take your own life then pull the covers off
Believing in a greater being seems useless now; I’ll be meeting them soon if there even is one
Fantasizing about the end of it all, all the problems and burdens being lifted
I try it once, again and again only for it to be another thing I fail at
Hoping for them to be okay and ready for it when the time comes
I am cold and tired

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