I Am Machine


I am machine
Or more specifically, my mind is
A constant whirring, incessant ticking, hushed hissing
It never slows down
The gears hidden in thought are always turning too fast
Sometimes I fear they will fly off their tracks
If something bad happens I can't stop thinking about it
Like a virus it consumes my thoughts and clouds my mind
Every embarrassing moment, every memory, every thought
Burned into my memory like an iron burns a shirt
I am machine
I remember my first panic attack
I remember the air leaving my chest
I remember gasping trying to catch it on its way out
Brain moving too fast, wires sparking futilely
Gears grinding against metal, factory doors slamming
Sounds like breaking glass scream at me to stop
I am machine, I am machine, I am machine
I am machine and this is a part of me
I can't stop it, or control it
So I've just learned to let the gears keep spinning
Let the doors crash because there must be merit to it
I've learned that sometimes you have shut it off
To press your own power button
And as the screen goes black, to know not to worry
Because even machines have to rest

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