I Can’t Stand

clipping coupons every week all by myself,
and, as if by some unwritten law, I leave them on the shelf.
I can't stand going to the store, and trying to find a spot,
and, inevitably, it will always be the farthest on the lot.
I can't stand going to the deli and taking a number, see,
'cause if the number called is 41, MY ticket says 93.
I can't stand checking all the labels for cholesterol, fat and salt,
'cause (even) if I buy them, no one will try them, so it really
isn't my fault.
I can't stand check-out lines, 7 miles long, and checkers not knowing
prices of cans, jars and boxes of pickles and loxes
and use electronic devices.
I can't stand the way that the groceries are bagged, that is ..
when I've finally GOT 'em;
all the cheeses and hash will inevitably mash,
and the eggs will be placed on the bottom.
I can't stand the shopping cart, laden with bags,
and whose wheels, at the exit doors, stop,
and what I must then push, causing ice cream to mush,
and whatever's piled highest to drop.
So I think I've made clear, 'least you get the idea,
that my shopping days get out of hand,
but I've finally returned to the peace that I've earned,
and I sit...
'cause I really can't stand!

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