I Don’t Know

I feel as if I am trapped inside a dark hole like my mind is wandering away from my own control,
I don’t know where I am so I sit and stare,
I don’t know who you are and I am scared,
it’s like the date doesn’t exist,
don’t even ask me the year because I can not tell you what you want to hear,
You are like a stranger to me of someone I never knew,
now holding my hand and a kiss is blown,
A kiss like a long lost loved one is saying goodbye as if I am leaving or am to die,
At a glimpse I can remember who you are like a memory mocking my mind from afar,
This disease is an ugly face I have to wear no matter a smile or a frown,
When I look into the mirror I think of finding a cure,
imagine now knowing who you are when looking into that mirror.
Alzheimers is like a thief taking everything away from me,
I am constantly hiding things as if I am playing hide and seek
But with who?
There’s no way of helping this disease,
you can only make me happy,
sometimes it’s hard to be happy so I stay unhappy for no reason at all,
I’m like a tree losing its leaves except i’m losing my memories from this disease,
When you have left I think I know who you are now.
Why are you leaving?
Did I make you mad?
Please don’t go, come back.
Where did that stranger go? I don’t know.
I feel like a dog treading water to barely stay above the surface of memories I know.
Your words are clear as mud to me right now,
I do not know what you are saying, I do not understand so I sit here and nod,
I can act like a volcano exploding when all the pressure is built up and I just don’t what to do
So I fight. I don’t know why i’m fighting or what’s making me mad.
I get so UGHHHHH
Think of the people like me when you look into a mirror,
think of the word CURE!

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I wrote this poem my junior year of high school in a creative writing class as a free verse poem. My grandma inspired me because she has Alzheimers disease and this poem is about having Alzeimers.